your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
