You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
