it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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