ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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