it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
