he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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