Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
