oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
