Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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