i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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