That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
