You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
