Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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