By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
