Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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