By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
