That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
