is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
