Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
