But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Less talking, more tequila
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize