Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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