It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
