Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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