He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
