got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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