It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
