Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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