I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
