how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Randomize
