Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
