You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
