my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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