STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
