"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
