My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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