Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
