I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
