I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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