Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
