Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
