i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
