Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
