oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize