Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Houston, we have a squirter
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
