Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Found your dick twin last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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