i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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