allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
