I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
