Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
