Duck Duck Cougar?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
