That's intense
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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