It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
