we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
