WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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