my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
