its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
