it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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