found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
