everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
