I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
