He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
