wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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