i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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