clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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