I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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