I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize