So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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