Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
