I can text with my tongue
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They took my balls.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
