Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
