Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
