just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
