you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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