Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
