i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
