remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
