HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
