it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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