Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
