Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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