Where is the hickey?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
