I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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