I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
