My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
