I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
