We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
