My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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