That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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