Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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