Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
