Capitaan dildo arrescate!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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