I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
