What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
