Your dad touched me again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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